Mistaken Email
Submitted By “Thanatos”
An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
PS: Sure is hot down here.
25 Signs You’re Getting Old
Submitted By “Thanatos”
25 Signs That You’re Getting OLD
- You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
- You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
- You are proud of your lawn mower.
- Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn’t breaking any laws.
- Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
- You sing along with the elevator music.
- You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
- You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
- You answer a question with, “Because I said so.”
- You send money to PBS.
- The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
- You take a metal detector to the beach.
- You know what the word “equity” means.
- You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
- Your ears are hairier than your head.
- You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s lawn.
- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
- You got cable for The Weather Channel.
- You can go bowling without drinking.
- You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
- People send you this list.
Golden Frog & Six Wishes
Submitted By “Thanatos”
There was a bear and a rabbit. Now Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn’t like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: “Ooh, I don’t often meet anyone in these parts.” They were amazed that the frog had talked to them. The golden frog admitted: “Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit’s wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could!
